I want to go home Part Two
I seriously may lose my mind. Seriously. How can someone who can’t remember 5 minutes to the next be so horribly homesick. I can explain and explain about why he is here, and how long we’ll be here and his constant refraint is “I want to go home”. I am upset and crying because he is. It’s making me angry, because I feel guilty I guess, that I can’t fix it for him and make him happy. I try to take him somewhere every day and keep him occupied, but my business is suffering because I have to cater and worry about him 24/7. I’m afraid he’ll take off in the middle of the night. I won’t be able to sleep tonight for sure. I’m going to put a chair in front of the door when I go to bed. I look at him and he has this frowny unhappy face. He keeps rubbing his face and beating his fists on his legs. He gets up and sits back down. I have to quit being angry. I know he can’t help it. He hasn’t been able to live ‘at home’ for 2 years because I’ve had him living with me. I even told him Mom would put him in a nursing home if he stays with her, and he said, “fine put me in a nursing home”.
If I make it the rest of the week, I will be surprised. God should know by now how much I can take, and I was there last Thursday. This combined with being apart from my husband while he goes through his cancer treatments, losing Rock’s grandma last week, and not being able to work because of taking care of him has cracked me right down the middle and the crack is getting wider and wider.
I’m not sure I even want to be strong anymore.
Pity party time - bring your own Kleenex.