Could you be a caregiver?
Everyone thinks about it at one time or another. What will you do if it comes to the point that your parent cannot take care of themselves? This is the ultimate question when it comes to the reversal of roles. You may think of it as your duty. After all, your mother or father did not have to take care of you when you were a helpless infant. But they did because they love you. Love has a tremendous amount of influence on the things you do.
Before you make up your mind if you are going to be able to do this, you should be aware of a few things that will make the difference in whether you can handle it or not.
1) You cannot do everything by yourself. If the parent you are caring for is diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, in the later stages they are going to require watching 24/7. They can be likened to a child. All you have to do is turn your head and they can be gone. Enlist help from somewhere because this is impossible for you to do. You will do nothing more than exhaust yourself to the point that you cannot care for them at all.
2) Do not feel guilty for taking a few hours off from time to time. Guilt is hard to handle. You must prepare yourself for the fact that you will need a little bit of time for yourself. They will be fine with someone else for a couple of hours. Remember the first time you left your child with someone for a much needed night out? This is the same thing. You are not superman or woman and you are not invincible.
3) You must be patient. Your mother or father is not doing anything to irritate you on purpose. They may be slow or they may not remember but it is not because they do not want to; it is because they cannot. This is one of the reasons you need a break. If you are short-tempered you will regret it later.
4) Do not let your feelings get in the way of your better judgment. No, they may not want to take their medicine and they may have a adult version of a temper tantrum. You cannot give in and just let it go. They must be made to understand that the medicine is for their benefit and it must be taken.
5) Along the way expect a little grouchiness. People who are sick tend to be a little more short-tempered than those who are not. It is more of feeling of being helpless because of the problems they are having. Their body has failed them and they are angry.
The worst thing about caring for someone who is ill or has a disease that will get progressively worse is worrying about whether they are suffering. This can stress you to the point that you really do not know where to turn. Talk to their doctor and yours and let them know the situation. They may have some helpful hints that can get you through this.
Most of all, be patient, understanding, kind, and let them know everyday that you love them. If you decide to do this, that is the least you can do for the parents who have loved you for so many years.
Filed under Family | Comment (0)Balancing Act
Since my husband’s cancer diagnosis in June - it’s become quite a balancing act for me. I live in Illinois with my Dad, and my husband is in Arkansas at our retirement home. I am so torn between the two places. I know my place is with my husband while he goes through the treatments and appointments…but it’s quite a deal making it happen. Mom isn’t all that great mentally, she’s slipping too - but she’s stepped up to help all she can. I have a good friend, Gail, that has really come through for me. She’s actually going to take off work to help me so that I can be with him as the radiation wears him out.
I’ll probably bring Dad to Arkansas with me part of the time. I have no idea how that will work out, a completely different place - no cats to feed - a big dog that might jump on him - just lots of differences. There is no way to prepare him for it, I’ll just have to jump in and see what happens.
On a good note - brother Dennis visited today with Mom and Dad at my house. He offered to do whatever I might need done around the place while he was there. I took him up on the offer and had him fix the satellite tv. I know they really enjoyed the visit.
Filed under Family, Daily Life | Comment (0)